Thrall
by Her Silent Wings
Summary: KotOR Reflections on LFRevan by the three people who have known her best.


Disclaimer: I don't own KotOR or the characters therein.

* * *

Malak stood behind Revan, watching her pace--and trying not to notice the darkness that emanated from her. It was easier that way; easier to pretend he didn't notice. He had tried to dissuade her from finding the Star Forge, but she had ignored his advice. No, she hadn't just ignored it--she had laughed at the idea of giving up.

Revan was hard to figure out at the best of times. She always said that Malak was the only one who really understood her. But ever since the darkness had set in on Revan, she had been impossible to read, even for him.

He had first really noticed it at Malachor V. She had called the techs' machine the "Mass Shadow Generator". Apparently, it affected the planet itself, and hadn't been fully tested. Revan admitted the result would be unpredictable, but she had given the order to use it anyway. It had worked; it destroyed the Mandalorian forces. However, it had also killed most of their Jedi and the Republic forces, as well. Yet Revan showed no guilt. It was that moment Malak realized she had changed. She had sacrificed the very people she had wanted to save.

The way she acted scared him at first. He tried, desperately, to steer her away from the path she was taking. He recited the Jedi code, and the proverbs and adages their masters had taught them. He warned her that the Jedi would throw them out of the order. Her response to these disturbed him more than anything. She would just stare at him coldly, until he had to turn away or risk being engulfed by her darkness.

Eventually, he had given up. Malak couldn't put an exact time on it, but he had simply stopped trying to persuade her. He couldn't reach her, but he couldn't just leave her either. It wasn't that he didn't realize what Revan was doing was wrong; it was just that she was Revan.

Malak focused again on Revan, in her dark robes and mask. She had always been fond of wearing robes during their training and had always liked the mystery any mask provided. Now, with every inch of her body concealed, it was like watching a whole different person. Unfortunately, Malak knew, deep down, that it was really Revan. And that was exactly why he couldn't leave.

Throwing your lot in with Revan was like catching a disease, he decided. The only problem was that there was no cure for Revan. Once you caught her attention, you couldn't do anything to escape.

As Revan beckoned him to follow, he decided it was just as well; he wouldn't want a cure, even if there was one.

*****

When Kreia first heard the news of Revan's fall, she had gone out to meditate. Alone.

The whole Jedi Academy was talking as if Revan's fall was not a surprise. They pointed out how Revan's crusade against the Mandalorians had been misguided. Even those who admired Revan's enthusiasm when she stood against the Jedi Council now agreed that going against the Council had been wrong. How easy it was to place blame in hindsight! And Kreia was the one who they blamed.

True, she had indulged Revan's desire for knowledge. She had taught Revan everything she knew about the history of the Jedi as well as the history of the Sith. While the other Masters had warned them both about the dangers of such knowledge, Kreia had admired Revan's willingness to learn. After all, if you did not understand the full potential of the power you were wielding, you were sure to misuse it. Still, the other Masters tried to take precautions. Kreia heard Zhar telling the story of Exar Kun to Revan more than a few times. Zhar emphasized how Exar Kun's hunger for knowledge had driven him to the dark side, how he had corrupted Ulic Qel-Droma by making Ulic his apprentice, and had caused the deaths of so many other Jedi.

_You know I'd never do anything like that, don't you, Master?_

Kreia shook her head, trying to forget the distress in the little girl's voice when Revan asked that question. It had taken all of Kreia's patience to calm the girl.

Was it possible that she had sheltered Revan, even while trying to open her to new ideas? Could she truly be to blame for Revan's fall?

Maybe she was. After all, she had helped when Revan came to her with the idea of fighting the Mandalorians. If Revan had stayed, she would not have found whatever caused her to fall. But in the end, there was no way she, or any of the Jedi, could know unless Revan told them herself.

Or could there be?

Revan had always been zealous and devoted to the light side. Even in her quest for knowledge there must have been something truly horrible in the Unknown Regions to corrupt her. If Kreia could find whatever, or whoever, Revan found, she would have her answers.

Of course, the Jedi Council would never approve. Who could tell what the Council would be willing to do in order to stop her? They would prevent her from following Revan's path--in more ways than one, or so they would claim. She would just have to be careful, then, and make her preparations in secret.

As she slowly rose from her meditations, Kreia recalled the way Malak had once joked about how being around Revan was far worse than any stim. _Her company is far more addicting,_ he had said, _and a much harder habit to break._

Starting her walk back to the Academy, Kreia tried to push the memory to the back of her mind. She finally realized that he had not been joking.

*****

The blaring alarms were giving Bastila a headache, but she kept running through the corridors of the Star Forge, following Juhani and Jolee's lead. She found it hard to believe that only shortly before she had been fighting Revan, certain that one of them would not walk away from that battle.

She had been... _wrong_, obviously, and it seemed that she had been wrong more often since meeting Revan than she ever remembered being wrong before. Or at least more often than she remembered being told about. Not that she would _ever_ admit that to Revan.

However, Bastila had no doubt that she would have the chance if she wanted to do so. When Revan announced her intention to stop Malak alone, she had the same look in her eyes as when she had announced her intention to stop the Mandalorians years earlier. At that time, Revan had stood back letting Malak act as her advocate, yet it was Revan's presence that had attracted the crowd of Jedi.

Bastila could still picture Revan's beatific smile. At the time, she had admonished Revan for plotting behind the Masters' backs, but part of her had wanted to follow Revan. Revan radiated confidence, as though she had no doubt that she was doing the right thing.

Not that she would tell Revan _that_ either.

At the time, Bastila had been as convinced as anyone that Revan would be a hero; Revan had always been a zealot--a visionary. But now, Bastila could see the bitterness behind the determination in Revan's eyes. Despite the Council's attempt to wipe Revan's memory, or perhaps in full rebellion against that attempt, Revan was no longer their pawn. Yes, Revan was doing the right thing fighting Malak, but this seemed more like a convenient attempt for revenge than pure altruism.

When she kept Revan alive after the ambush, Bastila had seen into the darkness of Revan's mind and soul. She found that Revan's decisions were based on reason and logic, but her logic was twisted; that revelation had been the most frightening thing about the Dark Side, frightening beyond anything the Jedi Council could understand.

Her arrival at the _Ebon Hawk_ with Juhani and Jolee drew Bastila out of her contemplation. The non-Jedi members of the crew were holding their own against the Sith attempts to push them back. She saw no surprise and no hatred in their eyes as Jolee quickly explained the situation. Bastila saw only pity and worry--pity for her and worry for Revan.

_Fools_, thought Bastila. And for a moment, she hated their pity. She understood more about Revan than they _ever_ would; she knew that Revan was not who they should be worried about.

They followed her like a litter of kath hound pups following their mother. Did they ever wonder _why_? Did they ever stop to wonder if the loyalty the felt to her was the same loyalty that all those Jedi and Republic soldiers--the very ones that Revan had betrayed--had felt all those years before, when they followed her to the edge of the galaxy? Bastila doubted it. But maybe it was better that way.

Maybe it was better to ignorantly stumble along behind her than to see where she was leading them and be unable to turn away. Because, in the end, Revan was an inevitable disaster waiting to happen. The more Bastila thought about it, the more she was frightened by the realization that her own helplessness in regard to Revan didn't bother her at all.


End file.
